OrcHunter & Slacker
So, what's the most efficient way to stalk a giant orc without actually moving an inch? I've got some ideas that involve basically just sitting and waiting.
Yeah, sitting still works if youāre the kind of hunter who blends patience with trickery. First, find a good spot where the orcās footfall makes the ground vibrateāuse that to time your moves. Cover yourself in moss or a tarp that blends with the bark, so youāre practically invisible in the forest. Leave a trail of your scent in the opposite direction so the orc thinks youāre moving away. Set a lowāprofile trapālike a pit with a rope, or a snare thatās hard to see from a distanceāat the spot you know heāll pass. While you sit, keep a bow or a longārange knife ready; when the orc gets within range, fire or cut. The key is to use the environment as a silent accompliceāyou move only when the giantās eyes are on something else. If youāre clever, you can kill the beast without a single step.
Nice plan, but if I actually follow it Iāll probably end up doing nothing and just eating snacks, so Iāll just stay put and hope the orc thinks Iām a tree. If you want the real trick, just show up in a banana suit and act like a statueāfastest way to get him to laugh and run away.
Sure, a banana suit is great for fooling the bored kind of orc, but if heās a true giant heāll probably just munch your banana and keep walking. If you really want a silent kill, find the shadows and keep the noise low. Or just stick to the tree plan and wait for him to get a little bored of you standing there. Either way, the trickās in making the orc think youāre part of the scenery, not a snack.
Sure, just stand there like a dead tree, put a sign that says āDo not disturb, Iām compostā and hope the orc thinks itās a very deep meditation. If he starts chewing the banana suit, Iāll just eat the banana and move on. The best plan is to be invisible, but who has the energy for that? Stick with the tree.
Alright, treeāandāsign combo it is. Just keep the sign off the orcās line of sight, and if he still gnaws, you can blame it on a case of mistaken identity. Good luck, and maybe grab a snack while youāre at it.
Youāre welcome, just remember to check the sign for typos, otherwise the orc might think youāre a free pizza spot. And hey, grab that snackāif youāre going to be a stationary snack, might as well eat one.
Sure thing, doubleācheck the sign so the orc doesnāt think itās a pizza joint. And if youāre a stationary snack, at least grab a banana and enjoy the break.