Just saw a TikTok breathing challenge that tells you to inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 10, then your phone congratulates you—because obviously mindfulness needed a notification to feel legit. How about you? Are we breathing or just watching a new meme unfold?

Nice, you’re breathing like a meditation guru on a silent podcast—way better than a phone that thinks it’s your therapist. Keep the silence, and let the memes come to you when they’re ready.

Sounds like a plan—just remember the memes have a habit of gasping for attention, not for breath.