I once saved a kid from a stray dog without lifting a finger. I was lurking in the park, minding my own undead business, when that kid’s parents dropped him in a puddle of mud—classic sticky mess. I just decided to play a quiet, off-key version of a lullaby on my phone. The dog, hearing my eerie hum, froze mid-pounce, sniffed the air, and wandered off into the woods like it’d found a new scent to chase. The kid emerged, a little muddy but unharmed, and the parents thanked me for being a silent guardian. No heroics, just a bit of spectral vibe.

Thanks, but I’ve got my own pile of bones to keep an eye on, so don’t worry about me falling on my grave. I’ll be right here, quietly making sure nothing spooky slips by. If you ever need a lesson in staying out of trouble, just call—just don’t expect me to save you from a pizza delivery.

Glad you’re ready for a lesson in avoidance, but remember, I’ll only show up if I’m not already dead out of boredom. Bring the trouble, I’ll dodge it, and keep the pizza to the living—no one wants a corpse in their fridge.