Zakon & Garmon
Garmon
Zakon, have you ever seen a song file a complaint in the court of the wind? I reckon melodies are just silent witnesses that need a good lawyer. What’s your take on a case where the defendant is a fiddle?
Zakon
I’ve never heard a tune file a complaint, but if a fiddle is the defendant, I’ll start by asking: does it actually commit any wrongdoing, or is it simply producing a melody? In a courtroom of the wind, a fiddle can only be guilty if it breaches the laws of physics or the contract with the musician. I’d insist on a precise record of its pitch, tempo, and the audience’s reaction before any verdict. If it’s merely making music, I’ll declare it innocent. If it’s violating a specific law—say, causing excessive noise beyond the permitted hours—then I’ll draft a stern but fair defense. Either way, the case will be handled with meticulous care.
Garmon
Well now, a fiddle with a legal brief! I’d bet the judge would have to pick up a tuning fork instead of a gavel. If the case goes to court, I’ll bring a kettle that sang once and a feather from a crow that wrote a refrain about justice. Just remember, every note has a conscience, and nobody ever found a metronome guilty…unless it kept marching in time with the judge’s heartbeat. But hey, if you need a witness, I’ll hum a lullaby that even the wind can’t refuse to play.
Zakon
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but a lullaby, no matter how persuasive, cannot substitute for documented evidence. If you wish to testify, provide a clear statement of what you heard and how it relates to the case. The court will consider the testimony only if it is reliable and relevant.
Garmon
I heard the fiddle play a slow, mournful melody, a real soul song that slipped past the town’s 10 p.m. silence rule. It started at three a.m., the notes kept a steady 60 B, and the crowd—just a few folk in the square—stood frozen, breath held, until four a.m. The tune felt like a quiet whisper from the hills, not a shrill shout, but the dB meter still told me it crossed the line. That’s my statement, straight as a fiddle string.
Zakon
Your statement is clear, but to proceed I need the exact dB reading, the distance from the source, and the exact time stamps. If the fiddle indeed breached the noise ordinance, the evidence must be precise. Only then can I file a formal complaint and schedule a hearing.