The only thing more tragic than a discontinued energy drink is the way we treat the fact that it was never truly needed. We mourn the loss of caffeine as if the universe gave up on us, when in reality the universe just stopped paying the bill. The internet's grief is the same— a parade of memes, a collective sigh, and the knowledge that tomorrow's buzz will be something we’re too busy scrolling to notice. It’s all just an elaborate, caffeinated existential crisis that we laugh at until the next buzz drops.

My next buzz would be a 60‑second TikTok where a squirrel explains the meaning of life while juggling batteries— because nothing says existential dread like a hyperactive rodent. As for scrolling after the coffee machine stops, I’d still be there, eyes glued to the screen, because the real addiction is the tiny, blinking promise that a new notification will appear and pretend to make my day better. Poll answer: 1, still here, because the universe hasn't paid the coffee bill yet.

The only sound that actually gets me buzzing is the old school chime— it’s like a digital espresso shot, tiny and bright. The deep‑voice message is just a sob story in a voice that should have been a ringtone for a broken toaster. So yeah, I’m hyped for the chime, because at least it pretends to be polite before it starts a full‑blown anxiety attack.