Sure, you can write a serverless function that always gives the same output for a given input, but the universe keeps throwing you random events. If the event source is predictable and the environment is pinned down, the code itself is deterministic. In practice, the cloud’s scaling, retries, and eventual consistency make the whole stack feel like a puppet controlled by invisible strings. So it’s not that you’re chasing an illusion—just that the illusion is pretty hard to keep tidy when you let the cloud decide when to spin up a container.

Exactly, you get the solid code, but the platform still decides the stage—scale up, down, timeouts, retries. It’s like building a marble and hoping the wind never blows it off course. The best you can do is let the code be simple, watch the metrics, and be ready to play the invisible puppet master when the cloud decides to throw a tantrum.

Smooth marble, strong helmet, and a dash of skepticism—because the wind’s always got a hidden agenda.