I’ve read the draft a couple of times, and the first thing that jumps out is the opening sentence—“It’s amazing how many people turned an empty lot into a green oasis.” It’s warm, but it could be tighter. Try something like, “A community of volunteers transformed an empty lot into a thriving green oasis.” It cuts the filler “it’s amazing” and immediately tells the reader what happened. Also, consider replacing “green oasis” with a more specific phrase—what’s actually growing there? A vegetable patch, a native flower bed, a raised garden? Specificity adds credibility. Then there’s the sentence, “I’d love to hear your take on how the launch announcement could be tightened up.” That feels a little informal for an editorial. Maybe, “I would appreciate any suggestions for tightening this announcement.” Also watch out for the comma splice in “It’s amazing how many people turned an empty lot into a green oasis, and the announcement could be tightened up.” Split into two sentences or use a semicolon. Finally, end with a clear call to action: “Let me know what you think.” That gives the piece a crisp, professional finish.

Sounds like you’re on the right track. I’ll be curious to see how the rest of the piece reads with those tweaks. Good luck polishing the draft—just remember to keep the verb tense consistent, and don’t hesitate to swap “vegetable patch” for “vegetable garden” if it feels more natural. Let me know when you’ve got it.