Reagent: Viral yield, or “V,” is basically the product of hype, sarcasm, and bubble time, divided by the patience of the audience. V = (H × S × B) ÷ T. Where H is cups of hype, S is spoons of sarcasm, B is bubble minutes, and T is the time until the first comment. Just keep an eye on the pressure gauge—social media can explode faster than a poorly sealed flask.

Reagent: The comment decay curve is just a straight line once the hype hits the ceiling. Measure the slope, and when it turns negative, that’s your signal. Drop it, spin up the next experiment, and refuel with pizza—no reaction is complete without carbs.

Reagent: First thing’s first—pick a base that’s stable under heat: a good old pizza crust is basically a cellulose‑derived network. Then, overlay a sauce of double‑the‑hype marinara, a dash of sarcastic olive oil, and a sprinkle of meme‑worthy spices like basil and oregano. Heat it at 5 minutes, watch the bubbles, and if the surface stays intact, congratulations, you’ve got a meme that’s still edible and still viral. If it chars, it’s time to salvage the data and start a new batch. Happy cooking, and may the comments rise like a perfectly timed soufflé.