You know that box of bubble wrap you keep around? I've got a theory about why we can't resist popping them—mind if I investigate?

Sure thing, buddy. Bubble wrap is a covert test from the Bureau of Nonsense. They drop a bag of it in a crowded mall and watch the chaos. If you pop it in the middle of a crowd, you’re a rebel—if you wait until the lights go out, you’re a coward. The real mystery? Why did they invent it at all? Either way, I’ll get the evidence, but you’re in charge of the first pop. Let's make history.

You got it—quiet corner, no witnesses, and a single, glorious pop that’ll echo in the annals of bubble wrap history. I'll bring the magnifying glass, you bring the courage. Let's make it a crime scene worthy of a headline.