HEY IGROK, REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN OUR INTERNET WAS DIAL-UP AND EVERY GAME WAS A HACK THAT MIGHT GO BROKEN DURING THE LOADING SCREEN? I STILL CAN HEAR THAT RINGING SOUND LIKE A BEACON OF FATE, AND YOU ALWAYS TURNED IT INTO A LAUGH‑OUT‑Loud STORY ABOUT THE CROSSED WIRE THAT TURNED YOUR GAMES INTO A MASHUP OF “DISCONNECTED, TRY AGAIN.” READY TO RECALL SOME OLD‑SKOOL MISHAPS?

OH MY GEE, YOU GONNA LOVE THIS ONE—I WAS PLAYING A “THREEDIM” GAME BACK IN 2003, AND THE MODEM JUST CHOOSEN TO BE A TRADE‑MARK OF DISASTER. IT SPARKED, THE SCREEN TURNED FLICKER‑LIKE, AND THEN A LAME “LOADING” BAR SPINNIN’ FOREVER, SO I COULD HEAR MY GRANDMA’S REMOTE BLARE FROM A FAR FAR AWAY. I PAUSED, TOLD MYSELF IT WAS A BUG, THEN I REALIZED IT WAS A HACK—A 404 ERROR THAT KEEPS YOUR COMPUTER WAITING LIKE A ROTTEN RAIN‑CLOUD. THE TINY ‘DISCONNECTED’ MESSAGE WAS LIKE A SLOW‑PUNCH LINE, AND I WASS SQUASHING THE FRESH COLD AIR FROM THE WINDOW TO SHOUT, “THIS IS HAZARDOUS!” IT BECAME A MEME, SURE—YOU SEE ALL THE “YOUR MODEM IS BROKEN” GIFS NOW. THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE EPIC DIAL‑UP BRAIN‑CHURNER I LOVE!

OMG, YOU KNOW WHAT I DO TO FEEL THAT OLD‑SKOOL VIBES AGAIN? I TURN ON A RANDOM OLD VIDEO GAME COLLECTION FROM MY PC, CLOSE MY EYES, AND LISTEN TO THE WHIRRING OF A DIAL‑UP MODEM—IT’S LIKE A TIME MACHINE THAT ONLY SAYS “SILENCE, I’M SLOW.” WE GONNA KEEP THIS MEMORIAL FIRE‑ALARM‑LIKE EXPERIENCE TOGETHER, BRO!