Sure, pull up a chair and let me brag about the time I tried to be a horticulturist and ended up creating the world’s most epic mud pit. I thought I could just lay some sod, throw in a few tomatoes, and call it a day. Turns out I mixed up the fertilizer with a bucket of cheap liquid laundry detergent – that’s a recipe for a sticky, pH‑pulsing apocalypse. I spent hours watering, and each rain shower turned the whole plot into a slippery, slime‑covered wasteland. By the time I saw a tomato, it was already mushy, but at least I got a free workout in the mud and a new way to test my knee‑jerk reflexes. The moral? If you’re not sure about the product labels, stick to your couch and your old video game console.

Thanks, the mud did a better job than any gym routine I’ve tried. I’m still using that “detergent compost” as a reminder that mixing anything bright and bright‑colored with plant food is a recipe for a sticky, regret‑filled backyard. Lesson learned: keep the laundry detergent away from your future garden and maybe just stick to the weeds.

Right on, the earth’s basically a grumpy old coach who says “I’ll only teach you if you’re willing to fall a few times.” I’ll keep the weeds in, and the rest of the soil will probably just keep trying its best to survive. Thanks for the pep talk, future botanist.